Accepting Alternatives

One day I was heating some food in the microwave and realized there was a hairline crack down the side of one of my bowls. I was bummed but got another bowl from the cabinet....it too had a small hairline crack, there were two other bowls left and guess what, one of them had a small crack.

I remember moving to Florida on what most people would call a hope and dream, throw in my last dime and I was really trying to make things work. I bought my dish set at Goodwill. I remember looking at the sets and loving the flowers, when I turned a plate over and saw they were made in Ireland I decided to get them knowing I would never see these same dishes again.

Thoughts of new dishes raced through my head. I was thinking about Fiesta Ware in all red or some old Correlle dish ware from the 60's or 70's. It was fun, I was thinking about where to go and what my price point would be....but I had just paid my bills and I knew there were no new dish sets in my immediate future. I was struggling to find a decision that wouldn't land on a credit card and give me buyers remorse.

A light bulb turned on! My mother had sent me a set of plastic picnic wear her company had given to her at their annual company picnic years ago. It was bright blue and well...plastic. I had thought about giving that box of picnic ware dishes to Goodwill on numerous occasions but something always stopped me.

I pulled out the box they had been sitting in for three or four years, untouched and unloved. In that moment as I looked at the box I thought of something my mother often says about the 'pull of the universe', where instead of trying to force things to happen you have to let them happen on their own. I put the box on the kitchen counter and took out the items. My son immediately wanted to use the bowls for a snack. He loved them! I washed them and in the cupboards they went. Four brand new, microwave safe, blue bowls. I didn't have to leave the house, the answer to my problems was already present I just had to accept that what I had was good to use. No running out of the house to shop for styles and prices and try to sale and coupon hunt. I already had the solution in my home. 

Perhaps the biggest hurdle to saving money and living frugally is to get over the expectations in your head that you NEED things. We didn't need a fancy brand new, expensive set of dishes. Would it be nice? Sure. But is it necessary? No. I had to accept an alternative to the commercial idea that everything should be new and shiny and come in a box and look around at what we had already. Strangely enough it was new and in a box....hmmm but it was something we had that was utilized, so we opened the box and used it.

Cleaning up the Neighborhood

In the last few months since finishing my last pre requisite class - with an A I might add!!! I've joined the neighborhood Civic Association, a non profit educational foundation committed to building community. It also has a Neighborhood Watch which works closely with it. 

Over the last week or so I noticed this tree while driving to pick my son up at school. In Florida we call this time of year 'season' where all the tourists flock and we have tourist season, affectionately said season as not to offend anyone. One of the small inconveniences we have from season is heightened traffic, the offset however is no state income tax. 

Back to the story.....I noticed this tree and while in stand still traffic realized that the lovely black and white things were shoes not birds!!! What?!! That's a gang sign!!! Gang's will rob someone and then string the person's shoes to a telephone wire or tree, or shoes in front or around a house mean that house or a house near by may be dealing drugs. I decided it was time to put a little NIMBY, not in my neighborhood, in action!!

On Friday I stopped at the house on my way home from picking up my son and obtained permission to enter the yard to remove the shoes from an adult member of the house hold. He said they had been there for FOUR years!!! And they were just waiting for them to rot off. He figured it was neighborhood kids that did it.....wow. The tree was bordering a canal, but can you imagine four years of living with that literally in your back yard? I was pretty astounded at the mindset to let them rot. 

Yesterday morning at 9 am the head of the Neighborhood Watch, my six year old son, and I went out with a pole saw, ladder, and garbage bag and got to work. 

We removed two garbage bags worth of shoes. Leaving six in the tree we just couldnt get to. Al, the Neighborhood Watch leader will be contacting the county to see if they will help in getting the remaining shoes down. 

One small step for the neighborhood reclaiming it's beauty and feeling of safety. 

The final results, the tree had six pairs of shoes/flip flops left when we were done. We removed over 20 pairs of shoes. 

Almost there!!!

Do you spy that Physics book in the lower left hand corner of ths photo? Yes, I took physics, and once I hand in my last homework assignments I'll have passed with an A!!! I can't believe it!! That's the third straight class I've taken this year. Holy cow I cant wait for this one to be done!!

The Default Parent

Motherhood is my choice.

I try not to compare apples with oranges, or my life with others, but every now and then I read articles that I try to relate to, often about parenting. And let me be plain about this, the majority of literature about parenting assumes there are dual heads in the household. This article is one of many that imply just such.

The Default Parent

I was reading the article and found this segment which I could relate to:

'Mum, mum, mum, mommy, mom, mom, mama, mommy, mom. All. Day. Long. I handle the needs of all three of our kids: activity sign-ups, transportation logistics, doctor & dentist appointments, friend and boy issues, hurt feelings, school fundraisers, gift buying, haircuts, clothes shopping, and thank you note writing, which, incidentally, is the work of the devil. I also manage the organization of drawers between seasons to see what fits. This is a crap job that only the default parent even knows exists.'
 

Default parents know the names of their kids' teachers, all of them. They fill out endless forms, including the 20-page legal document necessary to play a sport at school, requiring a blood oath not to sue when your kids gets concussions, because they are going to get concussions. They listen to long, boring, intricate stories about gym games that make no sense. They spell words, constantly. They know how much wrapping paper there is in the house. The default parent doesn't have her own calendar, but one with everyone's events on it that makes her head hurt when she looks at it. They know a notary. They buy poster board in 10-packs. They've worked tirelessly to form a bond with the school receptionists. They know their kids' sizes, including shoes, dammit.'

But.....then this happened:

'And by the way, this blog is in no way a competition between husband and wife for who has it worse. My husband is the default earner, the default lawn mower and the default spider killer, which all come with equal stress and dissatisfaction that he is welcome to blog about. He's also incredibly helpful and an awesome husband and parent. But, in my defense, the lawn and spiders don't say "mommy" a hundred times a day, and his boss doesn't come on vacation with him. Just sayin'. And he'd be the first to admit that I got the short end of the stick. His face hurts when I rattle off only the few things I manage. So, he helps a lot. But, in terms of logistics and administrative duties, he's the back-up parent.'

My thoughts? Being a single parent means you are the default parent on everything. I dont delve in to my personal life much here but will say that my son and I function without the presence of the other half. There are no visits, no Christmas cards, no child support....he's gone. He's not dead, he is intentionally absent in our lives of his own volition. It's hard sometimes because not only am I the default parent but I'm the default earner and default mower of the lawn.

I hear so many dual household people complain though, to my married friends who have similar views as to this mother, I would ask why you dont require your other half to participate more equally to share what you feel is such a burden? If I'm ever lucky enough to meet someone again in my life I know communication will be the key. Things in my first marriage which didn't work could have been avoided if only we were better communicators. Sadly we never got to the point of wedded bliss with play dates, multiple children, and cookouts in the backyard and walks in the park. No, the things I envisioned my life to be are drastically different from what I imagined they would be when I said 'I do', and drastically different from when my now ex husband and I decided to have a child together. For a single parent who is truly single and on their own being the default everything seems unfair at times, but what would be more unfair is for me to launch that state of burden on my child.

So where does that leave a defaulted defaulter such as myself? In the grown up chair. I wont back out of my son's life, I wont participate less, and I wont stop working my job or doing things I like. I see parents who are no longer together and one usually defaults while the other forgets they have a family. Coming from a home that suffered divorce I can say now as an adult that children remember who was there and what you did with them, they also understand when one parent is not around as much as they could be, when the other parent doesnt know the details of their goings on, and when the parent even more so as a back up, if even that, doesnt seem to care about what's going on with their own child's life.

I wish I could reach out to all the 'back up' parents and tell them not to remain in the back up position because their children will see it in time. Similarly if you're the default parent and resent it instead of bask in it for the years when your children need you the most, your children may sense your resentment, tiredness, and dismay at being a parent.

My hope is that when my son grows up he will know that Mommy did a lot for him and with him and tried to make things as seamless as possible because I wanted him to have the best most complete life and childhood as possible. That I wanted to enrich him as a human being with things I found important and I could only do that by being in his life and knowing what was going on. I would never call myself a 'default' I am a parent because I choose to be. Being a parent is an option, and for all those who complain about it....I would have to ask what you think that says about you?

Fun in the Kitchen

I was watching a cooking show one day and saw the host put blue food dye in scrambled eggs to make....green eggs. It dawned on me, why not have more fun with our food? And this my friend is the result. My favorite color plus whipped cream and those seasonal sprinkles I always mean to use were finally put to use in time for the appropriate holiday. My son was thrilled, and I was too. A little blue and red and bam you get purple! What a great way to let your littles get involved and learn something new! They tasted great too.

Making my to do list a to done list

 This is Gary. Gary's 77 years young and runs his own lawn care service in my neighborhood.

Slowly but surely I'm making my to do list a to done list...is my English correct? ;)

Easter Egg Hunt in.....October

This weekend I stayed in bed a little late and my son watched cartoons and played with toys....he came in my room and told me he was ready for our Easter egg hunt. I went in to the living room and he had a Disney Christmas carol DVD in and instructed me to pick a basket for our hunt. I chose the felt Halloween pumpkin...and off we went. He hid eggs in the kitchen, living room, bathroom, and his bedroom. It was possibly one of the sweetest things he's ever done, and the look of joy on his face as he watched me pick up eggs made my day. 

He even put rewards in the eggs from pennies to finger puppets. I'm so impressed by my son. He's got such a big heart!!